This Will Be The Fourth


I have seen the inside of an OR more times than I’d like to admit. This will be Olivia’s fourth procedure and her fourth time being put to sleep. It’s the fourth time I put on one of those funky OR gowns with the poofy mesh hat and held my baby’s hand while the doctor held a mask over her face to put her to sleep. It’s the fourth time I’ll sit anxiously in the waiting room, outside the recovery area, patiently waiting the surgeon’s arrival to let me know everything went ok.

It never gets easier…

The reality is, this is a part of Olivia’s life. A life living within a body that fails her. A life in which she will always rely on doctors to help “mend” her body.

Today, when we entered the OR,  Olivia remembered. She remembered the awkward table she needed to lay on. She remembered the masked faces that surrounded her and she remembered the uncomfortable mask they were putting on her face. I knew she remembered because those big blue eyes of hers looked up at me in fear, with tears pouring down her face. I took my baby’s hand, got close to her ear and sang her favorite song until she fell asleep.


4 thoughts on “This Will Be The Fourth

  1. OH NO! I’m much older than Olivia and I remember those same images from my last surgery is it a bit daunting, but I’m sure she’s a tough cookie! I would rather be put to sleep no matter what is going on – the last surgery I had, I had the same one about two years ago and they gave me something to make me loopy and I didn’t remember the OR that time like I did the last time. The important thing is knowing she’s okay and safe, I remember joking with the doctors in the OR so it will be okay!


  2. Anonymous

    Nanny’s eyes are leaking when I read this ..My beautiful Precious Princess ..I so wish I was there with you … ❤ love you baby girl ❤


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